86 Rules of Boozing - Myths dispelled.

Here is a list of 86 "Rules of Boozing", originally published here:

http://www.drunkard.com/issues/01-02/01_02_booze_rules.htm

There are some I disagree with quite strongly, so I've chosen to comment upon them below mainly for my own clarification.


13. If he (the barman) makes it (your drink) too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

No he won't. Well, only if there are about five people, maximum, in the bar as opposed to the fifty I'd expect in order for me to have remained in a bar and for it to have held my attention; old man pubs and country family pubs only I'm afraid, in the real drinkers world this "rule" is bollocks. Indeed; order what you like in a busy bar, no one gives a fuck.


14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

Or she's driving, on antibiotics or has some other good reason. Never assume, you get three strikes with chicks in bars, we all know that right?


16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

Or she likes your friend. Or she's extremly drunk. Who knows; such things are not a good tell of anything in reality.


19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

Only if you want to completely ruin the drink in question. This is a retarded thing to do.


20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

Don't drink a girly drink because you are affraid of looking girly and you are a tad self concious, quite probably worried about your own sexuality- and possibly 15 years old. Seriously; who cares what people drink so long as they are drunk. Many a burly 'mans man' has been out drunk by a chap downing Bacardi and cokes. I challenge any adamant beer drinker to down 18 double Bacardi and cokes and remain standing. It's never happened.


21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

Like fuck they were.


24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

Frankly, no it won't, I'm always hot.


27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

Where "works" == makes you look like a total prick.


42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

Possibly. You can definitely tell how pissed someone is with this method. The two things may well relate.


47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an over sized brandy snifter.

Other than perhaps staring at the guy swilring the over sized brandy snifter and making this observation in the first instance?


56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

You've obviously not met my friend Adrian.


81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.

You've obviously not seen me after 15.

Other than that as regard the list, fair play.

The Star Trek Deep Space 9 Drinking Game!

This is classic...

Before the show starts, everyone picks a character. Everytime the character you picked gets into a confrontation, conflict, or fight, take a drink.

Plus take a drink whenever:

• Something isn't working properly on the station.
• Anyone says 'DS9' as the name of the space station.
• Violence breaks out on the promenade ring.
• The wormhole is shown/opens (this includes the opening credits).
• The station is shown from outside.
• The 'cog' airlocks are used/operated.
• Any door is seen opened manually (if it's a 'cog', take two).
• Somebody mentions Bajor (only one drink per line; any number during the scene).
• Sisko threatens somebody.
• Someone hits on Dax.
• Odo is puzzled by humanoid behavior.
• Garak uses clothing as a euphemism for something else.
• Dr. Bashir suggests something patently unwise.

And then take a drink and do an action everytime:

• Someone rides the elevator to/from the control room.
  Action: Say "going up?" or "going down?"
• A shuttlecraft is shown.
  Action: Guess the name of the craft out loud.
• Odo shapeshifts.
  Action: Say "Jell-O!".
• O'Brien uses the transporters.
  Action: Nostalgic sigh.
• Jake Sisko gets in trouble.
  Action: Say "Kids these days!".
• Kira has a case of divided loyalties.
  Action: Put a drink in each hand and have a drink from both.
• Quark is seen behind the bar.
  Action: Take a second drink, or have a shot of something stronger.

Plus, chug a whole beer when and if:

• Someone from Star Trek: The Next Generation makes an appearance (members of the O'Brien family don't count, but secondary characters and extras if you can identify them absolutely do count)
• Sisko backs down or knuckles under to someone else.
• Odo does something intentionally humorous.
• Dr. Bashir does something clever not related to medicine.
• Dax gets into an amorous (sexual) encounter.
• O'Brien is asked to jury-rig something to save the day and it doesn't work.
• Quark does something selfless.

An average one hour episode consumes three beers per participant.