Monday, 8 October 2007

86 Rules of Boozing - Myths dispelled.

Here is a list of 86 "Rules of Boozing", originally published here:

There are some I disagree with quite strongly, so I've chosen to comment upon them below mainly for my own clarification.

13. If he (the barman) makes it (your drink) too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

No he won't. Well, only if there are about five people, maximum, in the bar as opposed to the fifty I'd expect in order for me to have remained in a bar and for it to have held my attention; old man pubs and country family pubs only I'm afraid, in the real drinkers world this "rule" is bollocks. Indeed; order what you like in a busy bar, no one gives a fuck.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

Or she's driving, on antibiotics or has some other good reason. Never assume, you get three strikes with chicks in bars, we all know that right?

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

Or she likes your friend. Or she's extremly drunk. Who knows; such things are not a good tell of anything in reality.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

Only if you want to completely ruin the drink in question. This is a retarded thing to do.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

Don't drink a girly drink because you are affraid of looking girly and you are a tad self concious, quite probably worried about your own sexuality- and possibly 15 years old. Seriously; who cares what people drink so long as they are drunk. Many a burly 'mans man' has been out drunk by a chap downing Bacardi and cokes. I challenge any adamant beer drinker to down 18 double Bacardi and cokes and remain standing. It's never happened.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

Like fuck they were.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

Frankly, no it won't, I'm always hot.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

Where "works" == makes you look like a total prick.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

Possibly. You can definitely tell how pissed someone is with this method. The two things may well relate.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an over sized brandy snifter.

Other than perhaps staring at the guy swilring the over sized brandy snifter and making this observation in the first instance?

56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

You've obviously not met my friend Adrian.

81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.

You've obviously not seen me after 15.

Other than that as regard the list, fair play.

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